4/14/08
There is only a small slice of time in which we are allowed to stand on the edge of the uncertain; a vacuous void of not knowing, for in this world of cacophonous noise there is little time for a silent sense of being still and knowing verses knowing for information and input sake. This morning I pondered the grace of being able to stand there at all, the wonder of wonder, the discovery of the inner voice over the outside influences of this world. What to do with a void that threatens to swallow your world as you know it, to change your life without your permission? Looking back over the few times I’ve had this privilege of standing and not being plunged in by some outside force I see a small pattern, one not thought out nor perpetuated, at least not by me consciously, is to first embrace the void. Perhaps it is from the influence of Macrina’s words that God has room to work in emptiness that is owned so I own it, embrace it; for all too soon the world would fill it with reason and it can no longer be a potential for good or ill at that stage but a battle or blessing as it plays out. Embracing the void simply means I accept it is there with all its possibilities thrilling or daunting, it is before me and I will not avoid it. Next as I lay pondering I realized from past glimpses I tend to take the leap of faith. Admittedly I probably hope to leap over it completely and be able to look back and say, ‘past that, whew!’
However most often I find I’ve leapt heart first, right in the middle of it. Why heart first, simple my heart is stronger than my head and leaping feet first into a void is by definition of a void not possible for there is no place visible to stand upon. These voids are not only empty but vacuous sucking all matter into a vortex of… well uncertain possibilities. Nature abhors a vacuum and so do I; so once having leapt, I suppose I begin to fill it with my thoughts (rightly or wrongly my normal heart felt leap takes this action). The wondrous thing about a void is there is no preconception there so my thoughts can take flight. They fly out in all directions not checking out the void for it’s a no brainer that it is empty, void, vacant, thankfully my heart is not. The possibilities of flying thoughts are near endless at least in my thought pattern and it seems somewhere in my fancy there comes a bit of light. Light can be very good or it can shed itself upon the only object in the void which is me and I usually find that quite painful. Hence my next thoughts come from my head and they don’t fly they roil. I see my flaws; I see how I might cause this void to be a curse not only for me but for my loved ones and more importantly as a place where I could fail Abba. Self-flagellation is not new to the flesh but is not very pleasant company in a vacuous void. Dealing with flesh must be done another way and mostly for me can’t be done by me, at least not by my head knowledge. It’s then that I acknowledge that I’ve not been in the void alone at all for Ruach the ever faithful advocate, comforter, my very Best Friend, has come with me. He like Jonathan’s armor bearer says, ‘go for it; leap in faith and we’ll deal with the consequences’. He knows my heart and He opens my mind to the correct way of dealing with flesh, merely submerge it in Spirit. I find myself in a vacuous void immersed in Spirit and uh-oh my feet have found a resting place. It’s the solid Rock, the Foundation Stone, the Great leaper of all time, woo-hoo! However, one cannot stand in a vacuous void for the void is attempting to suck you into the unknowingness of nothingness so my reaction is to dance. Here in the void before I know the prognosis, the outcome, the length, breadth, depth…of it all I dance. The Spirit reminds me to dance with Him is to be healed to dance for Him is to be translated. Ahhh, chaos, the flesh dances for hope, for promise, to fill the void then the spirit and flesh divide, my flesh may remain in the void but my spirit is translated into His presence, I dance for joy, for love, for wonder. I danced in admiration for the One who has ordered my steps and who has taken a leap heart first into my heart. Here we meet heart to heart and my spirit is revived and renewed and changed into being a little more like His image. He ever the Gentleman ( a very gentle man) Who then escorts me back to my place, yeah, the void, the ohh so vacuous, Oy Vey, He’s filled it. It is then that I come to understand the leap I took was into the deep crevasse of His nailed scarred hand (my cleft in the Rock) and if I am for but a brief moment a partaker of His suffering (1 Kefa 4:13) I know it is so His glory can be revealed and I will be glad and have much joy. Here again I dance in declaration of hope come in the flesh, joy comes to kiss my mourning turning the darkness into the brilliant light of a supernova times a billion or so. The void outside is gone because the void inside is filled, the only vacuity that remains is one in my heart which will ever crave more of His presence, more of His love. And I am extremely glad to tell you it is a craving, He intends to fill!
