Recently on a trip to Texas at a lunch dedicated to the birthday of a 93 year old I found myself hitting a severe regret mode. I looked around at all the wonderful people approaching the last phase of their journey and saw myself in 20 to 30 years (should the Lord tarry) and I didn’t particularly want the same look in my eyes that I saw, the same acceptance of how life seemed to have unfolded. I took a look back at my life and realized the many opportunities I had missed, the time lost to busyness; that I had not spent enough time with what matters most here on the human level and that is relationships. Many of the people at the lunch I had known since I was a child but had not had much contact with at all. Some ’knew’ me but I didn’t remember them at all. I realize that having lived in as many places as I have, that it might be impossible to keep up with everyone who had been a part of one’s life but surely I could have done a bit better job with those who had been a part of my past since they had impacted my future; the who I am now. I was humbled that these people who I probably hadn’t given much of a second thought to in many years were so overjoyed that I was healed, and took such hope for their loved ones who were in need of healing from mine. They rejoiced to see me eat and I regretted not being able to do more than I had, however I did spend time with many of them listening to their stories encouraging them over their loved ones illness and the grace of our Father. That night in the dark hours I cried a lot not for paradise lost but for opportunities lost, for attitudes and mindsets that kept me from being connected to mankind more, from being more involved in lives of people who could have been a benefit and perhaps I could have been of more benefit to them. It took a plague of death to bring John Donne, a priest to the realization that ‘No man is an island’. It seems to be that technology and the pace of lifestyle that we choose to participate in are designed to keep us apart. I know that the electronic devices are touted as a way to keep in touch, fast and easy but they actually propagate distance, a lack of face to face, real communication. We don’t lack communication so much as we lack union and communion. It seems to me we actually keep in touch to keep our distance. The inconsequential becomes the major so that we don’t actually have to face the real important stuff, like messy relationships, high maintenance situations. Then we wonder why we often feel so bankrupt in our emotions, stunted in our dreams and aspirations. So I regretted right now while I still might have time and strength to repair, to change not things but me; for I know from the years that have passed that it is not things that can be changed if self is not really changed, that good intentions can’t work if the heart is not convinced and willing to take the step away from the past and toward the desired goal for the future. That life is not safe in the terms that we want safety; it is messy and involved with all sorts of other messes. I had not rejoiced in depth of spirit with those who were throwing an impromptu party if I didn’t feel like it, nor had I been willing to sit Shiva with someone in the depths of sorrow when I felt that my issues were enough for me so a quick pat and prayer seemed sufficient and I quickly moved along. We sometimes feel we can’t take on others questions because we can’t seem to find answers for our own. Somehow we forget that it is together that we were created to tackle the situations of this world, it is not good for man to be alone, that Yeshua sent them out two by two.
1 Cor. 13:8-9 talks about love never failing and that we only see part and prophesy in part. We each only have a part of the picture so we need the others to complete it and the only way to love is to have more than one involved in the equation unless of course self love is elevated and that is not really love. Bottom-line we need each other; the solution to our emotional bankruptcy was Abba given a long time ago, each other, each of us housing a part of His Spirit being formed into the image of His Son, the perfect one spoken of in verse 10. When He comes the ‘part’ will become whole, the body will be united we will see face to face. Until then we need each other no matter the cost to self for He paid a supreme cost of involvement. 2 Cor. 5:21 He paid for our sins so we could be right with Abba to be right with Abba we must be right with each other.
Let me conclude this with a simple relativity lesson that I had on my return home. I was walking past my frig and glanced up at a note that Dave had left for me at some time or other and had decided to keep by adding it to my frig art. It says, ‘I love you, bigger than Pawpaw’s garden.’ A family joke among the grandkids especially when expressing a ‘big’ love. My Dad’s garden to them was huge hence it became a benchmark for how to express love. While in Texas Dad told me that he had now plowed up an area beyond his normal garden spot where he used to keep goats (good fertile area) and it was a lot bigger than his original spot, enough in fact to feed the whole family. Suddenly Pawpaw’s garden had just gotten bigger so the analogy to loving bigger than Pawpaw’s garden had grown as well. I wish it were as easy as expanding a physical plot of ground but the heart is a bit more complicated, It is possible however to enlarge our heart. Ps. 119 speaks of having our hearts enlarged in order to keep His commandments. John 14:15 says to love Him you keep His commandments. John 15:10 says the Father’s love abides in us when we keep Yeshua’s words. I could go on and on but bottom line as I see it and I know I only see in part, to love Him allows us to keep His words and allows Abba to show more of His love for us, when we experience more of Abba’s love we have our hearts enlarged and we love more and are able to do more and accept more love and well, to me that seems like His kingdom on earth as it is in Heaven. Why was Daddy making a bigger garden? Did he and mom suddenly become bigger eaters? No, it was for the family, that all would have the resource to eat; it was motivated by loving concern. 1 John 3:1 Behold what manner of love the Father has given us…
k
