Confounding it all
5/9/08
I have been in much agitation of spirit of late. Reading the wonderful news concerning the pockets of the Spirit’s stirring, aka the beginnings of revival in other places, I’ve found myself rejoicing and weeping. I rejoice for the stirring of the water, the healings, the visions but weep because it seems as if we have been in an interminable holding pattern for… well an interminable amount of time. Interminable’s basic meaning is no boundaries, no end. It continuously seems as if we get right to the end, to the fulfillment of promises only to find another cycle beginning or the boundaries of the one we are in pushed back. I’m not ignorant to the fact that each ‘cycle’ each pushing back of the boundary causes us to gain more ground and come even closer to the fulfillment; yet at this moment in time I find myself frustrated, flummoxed, confounded and a host of other words spring readily to mind but you get the drift. I feel like we are drifting in the sea of not quite, almost there.
I’ve heard a lot of explanations of Kefa’s (Peter) going fishing in Yoch (John) 21. Number one, I’m a lady so who knows what men are thinking? But I find myself identifying with at least the actions if not the mysterious motives. Yeshua (Jesus) had risen, appeared to them, but was no where in sight at the moment so Kefa decides to go fishing. When I’m longing for His presence but can’t seem to find it manifesting I do a host of ‘fishing’ projects.
Great wonders have taken place, I’ve seen and been a part of many of them; I’ve been promised much more through visions and prophetic words (which have been confirmed from a diversity of other sources, not that Ruach (the Spirit) needs to be confirmed but my hearing will take all the aid it can get in making sure I’m not deficient in understanding), yet when things begin to ‘make sense’ to seem to be going in the right direction, I look up and see another mountain, another barely distinguishable trail leading toward the oh so illusive seeming goal.
Okay if you’ve not been around me lately you are probably wondering ‘what goal?’ You might be sorry you asked if I decided to really expound upon ‘the goal’ but for now my most moderately immediate goal is ‘Christ in me, the hope of glory’, His glory, being shed in and on a lost and dying world. From the time I’ve been tiny I’ve asked for the heathen (the lost) for my inheritance, I’ve always known I would not have a house as a home, a stability in the sense that most people seem to long for. My hearts desire has been to be with Him but while I wait for that I have determined, begged, asked worked for being as He is to the nations. Abba so loved the world (that’s every one, of all ethnic backgrounds, creeds…) that He sent Yeshua, His only begotten Son, I want Yeshua in me, with me, through me to continue to reach the world.
Yet in this I feel stymied, confounded, close but never really getting beyond the surface. Hence here I sit longing and not so patiently waiting, okay I’m chaffing at the bit, saying ‘how long, Abba must I wait, I’ve been waiting all my life.’ Does He answer my sobs, my distressing pleas? Yes, He does, with a longing of His own for the nations for Kathryne to come to the fulfillment of all that He has ordained for my life; with whispers of grace and glory, blowing on the embers of my spirit to keep the flames burning with passion for His presence for the lost. He coaxes me as a loving Father would a small child to keep walking, to not give up to find hidden treasures in the journey and yes to find revelatory knowledge of His plan, His world, His ways.
I’m learning that the interminable part of this journey is indeed to extend boundaries so that I will not reach a small goal and settle for what appears to be glorious to human eyes. He has never told me that this journey will find culmination on this side, in this life. I know you may say there will be no need for salvation of nations after we are in the here after. I for one do not know what all the here after will entail and there may be other worlds to witness to or not; but this I do know I can’t in this form of flesh do more than begin to understand His glory so that part of my journey, my goal will have to be accomplished on the other side of this life. He has never lied to me or given me false hope.
However He has confounded me. The traditional meaning of confound is to discomfit, confuse, abash. The literal meaning however is to ‘pour together’; figuratively ‘to fail to distinguish’. Ahh, I’m discomfited, thrown out of my comfort zone to learn to walk in His, I’m confused aka mystified by such grace, mercy and a love that simply won’t ever have an end. I am abashed ‘openly gape, staring in wonder’ at the works of His heart, the intent of His Spirit, the intricate weaving of our lives together till one day I know you won’t be able to tear us apart.
I suppose I will still be frustrated, I will strive to make it ‘holy frustration’ (my definition not settling for what is good or great but only for what is His heart and not allowing myself to be comfortable till His will is done on earth as it is in Heaven). Yet in the midst of this ‘holy frustration’ I will strive to be still and notice that this journey has been full of grace, full of glory, full of small goals attained. I will content myself in Him and gape in wonder that while I’m waiting for the fulfillment, He’s waiting too; till all the earth is full of His manifest glory and we will dance together across the finish line. Then when He asked the question ‘do you love me more than these’ like Kefa I will answer, ‘Yes, Lord, You know I love You, I know I love You and I know that You really love me.’
k
5/9/08
I have been in much agitation of spirit of late. Reading the wonderful news concerning the pockets of the Spirit’s stirring, aka the beginnings of revival in other places, I’ve found myself rejoicing and weeping. I rejoice for the stirring of the water, the healings, the visions but weep because it seems as if we have been in an interminable holding pattern for… well an interminable amount of time. Interminable’s basic meaning is no boundaries, no end. It continuously seems as if we get right to the end, to the fulfillment of promises only to find another cycle beginning or the boundaries of the one we are in pushed back. I’m not ignorant to the fact that each ‘cycle’ each pushing back of the boundary causes us to gain more ground and come even closer to the fulfillment; yet at this moment in time I find myself frustrated, flummoxed, confounded and a host of other words spring readily to mind but you get the drift. I feel like we are drifting in the sea of not quite, almost there.
I’ve heard a lot of explanations of Kefa’s (Peter) going fishing in Yoch (John) 21. Number one, I’m a lady so who knows what men are thinking? But I find myself identifying with at least the actions if not the mysterious motives. Yeshua (Jesus) had risen, appeared to them, but was no where in sight at the moment so Kefa decides to go fishing. When I’m longing for His presence but can’t seem to find it manifesting I do a host of ‘fishing’ projects.
Great wonders have taken place, I’ve seen and been a part of many of them; I’ve been promised much more through visions and prophetic words (which have been confirmed from a diversity of other sources, not that Ruach (the Spirit) needs to be confirmed but my hearing will take all the aid it can get in making sure I’m not deficient in understanding), yet when things begin to ‘make sense’ to seem to be going in the right direction, I look up and see another mountain, another barely distinguishable trail leading toward the oh so illusive seeming goal.
Okay if you’ve not been around me lately you are probably wondering ‘what goal?’ You might be sorry you asked if I decided to really expound upon ‘the goal’ but for now my most moderately immediate goal is ‘Christ in me, the hope of glory’, His glory, being shed in and on a lost and dying world. From the time I’ve been tiny I’ve asked for the heathen (the lost) for my inheritance, I’ve always known I would not have a house as a home, a stability in the sense that most people seem to long for. My hearts desire has been to be with Him but while I wait for that I have determined, begged, asked worked for being as He is to the nations. Abba so loved the world (that’s every one, of all ethnic backgrounds, creeds…) that He sent Yeshua, His only begotten Son, I want Yeshua in me, with me, through me to continue to reach the world.
Yet in this I feel stymied, confounded, close but never really getting beyond the surface. Hence here I sit longing and not so patiently waiting, okay I’m chaffing at the bit, saying ‘how long, Abba must I wait, I’ve been waiting all my life.’ Does He answer my sobs, my distressing pleas? Yes, He does, with a longing of His own for the nations for Kathryne to come to the fulfillment of all that He has ordained for my life; with whispers of grace and glory, blowing on the embers of my spirit to keep the flames burning with passion for His presence for the lost. He coaxes me as a loving Father would a small child to keep walking, to not give up to find hidden treasures in the journey and yes to find revelatory knowledge of His plan, His world, His ways.
I’m learning that the interminable part of this journey is indeed to extend boundaries so that I will not reach a small goal and settle for what appears to be glorious to human eyes. He has never told me that this journey will find culmination on this side, in this life. I know you may say there will be no need for salvation of nations after we are in the here after. I for one do not know what all the here after will entail and there may be other worlds to witness to or not; but this I do know I can’t in this form of flesh do more than begin to understand His glory so that part of my journey, my goal will have to be accomplished on the other side of this life. He has never lied to me or given me false hope.
However He has confounded me. The traditional meaning of confound is to discomfit, confuse, abash. The literal meaning however is to ‘pour together’; figuratively ‘to fail to distinguish’. Ahh, I’m discomfited, thrown out of my comfort zone to learn to walk in His, I’m confused aka mystified by such grace, mercy and a love that simply won’t ever have an end. I am abashed ‘openly gape, staring in wonder’ at the works of His heart, the intent of His Spirit, the intricate weaving of our lives together till one day I know you won’t be able to tear us apart.
I suppose I will still be frustrated, I will strive to make it ‘holy frustration’ (my definition not settling for what is good or great but only for what is His heart and not allowing myself to be comfortable till His will is done on earth as it is in Heaven). Yet in the midst of this ‘holy frustration’ I will strive to be still and notice that this journey has been full of grace, full of glory, full of small goals attained. I will content myself in Him and gape in wonder that while I’m waiting for the fulfillment, He’s waiting too; till all the earth is full of His manifest glory and we will dance together across the finish line. Then when He asked the question ‘do you love me more than these’ like Kefa I will answer, ‘Yes, Lord, You know I love You, I know I love You and I know that You really love me.’
k
