I want to start this reflection with Friday the 13th, admittedly I didn’t know it was a Friday which had the numeric attachment of 13 on it, till later in the day and for the record let me say traditionally those 13th Fridays have been propitious for me and so I suppose this one would follow that pattern. I had been hearing the wonderful reports about the moves of the Spirit in various places and rejoicing and anticipating our participation in one right here in Va. Abba had been waking me early or rather asking me to rise out of bed early for I rarely sleep much these days, to speak special words of personal love and share snippets of what to anticipate. When Dave called me that morning to report a young man had given him a description of the Spirit’s move in Kentucky I was glad but then I went into a pitiful funk. I cried, wept, moaned… just about any emotional response to intense grief for the deep cry of my heart was, ‘okay, great, they’ve been praying and waiting I suppose, but there is no way they’ve been doing it any more than we have; so bless them but what about us???’ This went on in various forms of intercession for a couple of hours at least. There were periods within that time that I encouraged myself and would suck it up then my heart would spill over again and I would well cry pitifully. Finally I shook myself and apologized to Abba for being so pitiful and ask Him to simply speak to me, anything, it didn’t have to be about the moves going on, the cries of my heart, just speak to me. He gave me Numbers 20:10. I know your first thought might be can any good promise come out of Numbers? Admit it how many of you actually read with anticipation from the book of Numbers? I did not have those thought as I knew Abba is always more than kind to me when I am pitiful. Verse 10 and 11 are talking about Moshe getting ticked and striking the rock when he was suppose to speak to it to bring water out to quench the thirst of the people. My first reaction was ‘Mea Culpa, guilty, I’m blowing it, I’m going to miss the Promise land being cursed to lead the people round and round in the wilderness always dwelling in almost land.’ Thankfully Ruach (the Spirit) is too kind to let me wallow and said ‘will you zip it, I am not condemning you, I’m encouraging you.’ (The Bible I use for my personal words and write in prolifically is a One Year Bible all mixed up and has writings in it, there are many times the writings have been what He wanted me to see more than a Scripture on that page. I pause to say, understand I never use this Bible for devotions or to read from, it is only for prayers asked and answers recorded so I don’t know what the readings have to say. He also told me recently I had to get a new Bible for a new season of words, woo-hoo!) The writing said, Imitate God’s Patience; it begins with saying ‘Note the breaking down at last of the long-tried leader’s patience. It is in striking contrast with the patience of God…’ I skipped to the last part (I didn’t read the middle cause I didn’t feel like He wanted me to since I was ‘getting’ what He was telling me) said, ‘ They who would represent God to men, and win men for God must be ‘imitators of God and walk in love.’ If the bearer of the water of life offers it with ‘Hear, ye rebels.’ It will flow untasted.’ (Alexander Maclaren from Expositions of Holy Scripture)
Ruach told me Abba was sharing His pain, His frustration with the world’s situations with me, while allowing me to see His willingness to wait, His unexcelled patience for the acceptable time. His aim was for me to understand and have His heart. I’ve prayed for Abba’s heart and He has on occasion allowed me to share His pain; if you need a Scriptural reference for that look at Phil. 3:10 joining in the suffering of Yeshua in order to know the power of the resurrection. Abba had thanked me through a prophetic word before for waiting and now was gently encouraging me that to wait past the point I felt was endurable was to really touch His heart and learning a willingness to wait for the fullness of time so ‘none be lost’. Friday the 13th redeemed for me again, sown in tears in the A.M. and reaped in joy the rest of the day.
Saturday morning Ruach prompted me to get up at 5:00, I was staring at a long day ahead of me with a Memorial service to be done, the kids wedding reception and time to spend with my sister Ruby, yet I felt no resistance in rising to meet Him. His encouragement was basically to anticipate something. I say something because He said to put it in words would be to limit/freeze it in my mind so i was just to know He was up to something and anticipate it. The day went well and there were too many occurrences to write about now; but I share these; I had joy in sharing the dance, an opportunity to witness to someone and the ability to see how what could have stressed me in trying to figure out all the details Abba not only had my back but had surrounded me with ease. Writing that reminds me of how He said recently in an early morning tryst that He would dance me through places where other people were struggling to walk; woo-hoo I love dancing!
Now to Abba’s Day, I had taken the couch to give Ruby the chance to rest since I’m up and down all night, laying there around 5 A.M. (what’s up with that hour I don’t know) I was talking to Abba again about why would He even want to create us and what could we possibly give Him especially on Father’s day. I suppose I was trying to get His view of what I could do to please Him. I already had a message to encourage our guys but really wanted to just focus on The Father hence my pondering. He zoomed me back to creation, chaos, Ruach’s hovering, life’s springing forth and man the crown of creation; then He spoke to me and said, ‘Do you know what joy I took when man first called me Abba? When I was not seen as a creative force but became Abba in his eyes?’ I knew then that was what He was after from humanity, it was worth the wait, the patience to have us look up and the joy when for the first time we understood and called Him Abba, and from that moment began to walk in knowing Him as our Father; to see ourselves as His children. It became very evident to me that many of our unanswered questions, of times of striving when it seemed as if He was not near or wasn’t listening, was a call to come closer to the real reason we are here; to know Him beyond the conception of God, to know Him -really know Him- as our Father. I knew then more than ever before that He was willing to do what it took, to endure the death of His only begotten Son even, in order to shatter all the misconceptions, the idolistic ways we have come to see Him, to strip away the façade, to break us if necessary to bring us home. Know this the breaking, the suffering, the length of the process is necessary and we will say with Paul, the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared to the glory revealed in us. Get that, He’s not after just His glory but to reveal the glory in us, His children, His beloved. Roman’s 8:16-21. Come on folks even creation is waiting, groaning for us to get it, for redemption to come as we are revealed as children. I do not take lightly the sufferings of those who have waited, praying for deliverance and have not yet obtained it. I grieve for those who have all but given up hope on their situation or on Abba’s grace; but I speak from experience born in and through pain and much suffering, our Abba loves us so much, please do not judge Him to be uncaring or unresponsive. Do not listen to the enemy of our souls who is seeking our destruction through planting doubts and fears. Abba is forming His heart in us, our identification with Hem is not easy nor is it a swift work but it is more than worth the sacrifice. He is refusing at this juncture when we are so close to the end to allow us to have misconceptions about Him so He is intent upon doing what it takes to tear down mindsets and limits we’ve placed upon our relationship to Him, to restore the right way to see Him.
Sunday He brought me to Numbers again this time chapter 11 starting with verse 23. Moshe has been talking to Abba about the burden being too heavy having to deal with all the people, Abba agrees to allow him to share the responsibility with 70 elders to deal with the people in judgment etc. Abba then answers the complaint of the people about eating meat telling Moshe the people would eat meat tomorrow and in fact all month long till they spewed it out their mouths. Moshe is in a quandary about how to supply the meat for so many people. (just like us Abba gives a promise and we think we’ve got to figure out how we can get it done). Now to verse 23 Abba asked Moshe does he think He is limited, and tells Him now he would see if what He had told him was true or not. When I read Sunday Abba was not limited and the proceeding dispersion of the Spirit upon the 70 plus 2 I was ecstatic. It’s the plus 2 that I absolutely love cause this goes with what Abba’s been showing me for a long-long time. I keep telling people that I want/see/feel that this last days move will be one where the glory of Abba rest so among His people that it won’t be said, ‘go get___to pray for you they have the gift of healing, they have the gift of prophecy.’ But that the presence of Abba is so strong in our midst that a child could walk up to a crippled one and say ‘Yeshua’, and bang, healing, a prophetic word….I feel it’s supposed to be a revival of everyone not a few leaders who have the Spirit and you must go to them. Bottom-line, if He’s here then He’s doing it and the vessel doesn’t matter. Call it Abba-spillage, He sends the Spirit upon the 70 and the excess hits the heart of two guys who are willing to open their mouths and go for it. I believe that we will see Moshe’s desire/prayer from verse 29 fulfilled. He asked if the tattle tails were worried about his reputation when they report that some guys in the camp are prophesying and then says, ‘Oh, that all the Lord’s people were prophets and that the Lord would put His Spirit upon them’!
Oy Vey, Abba always intended for His Spirit to be restored to all not just a few, for any who would come to drink of the water of life. Let the children come, let the aged, the dejected, the downhearted, come and drink and find restored strength. Put away questions from the past, disappointments and say to disillusion, I will see clearly, the truth, I will not listen to the lies of the enemy nor the discouragement of the flesh, If you have said, ‘there is no God,’ you are closer than you think to seeing Him as He really is. If you have said, He won’t use me, I’ve been wrong about too many things, Moshe tried murder to get the job done and was still given the job to lead the people out of bondage. If you say, ‘who am I?’ Eldad means God has loved, Medad, means loving affection. You may have been outside the inner circle, in the midst of the camp just going about daily busyness but Abba has plans, He loves, He is not discouraged, He has not turned from you, with loving affection, He plans to restore His Spirit in you and you will find that those dreams long lost, those in peril right now are as nothing compared to the dreams He dreams for you.
When I sat down to write I had no idea where Abba would take this beyond a recounting of what I had in my mind to share. While writing I had my ipod playing and the Martyr’s Song came on. I love that song; I’ve been to the Martyr’s field in my spirit and danced there before I ever heard anyone else having an experience there. So it is appropriate that I end this with Monday’s ‘spillage’ the words to the song say:
Sing oh son of Zion, shout oh child of mine, rejoice with all your heart and soul and mind. I’ve been waiting to dance with you in fields full of colors you’ve never seen. I’ve been waiting, to show you the beauty you’ve never dreamed that’s always been in you. And I’ve been waiting, to see you tremble as you’re embraced by a world saturated with My love. I’ve been waiting, for the day when last I got to say, My child you are finally home. I’ve been waiting, to watch you realize what all your longing is for. I’ve been waiting, to show you the thread of grace that ran through all your pain, and I’ve been waiting to let you drink the water of which the greatest joy on earth is just a taste…every tear you cried dried in the palm of My hand, every lonely hour was by My side, every love one, lost every river crossed, every moment, every hour was pointing to this day, I’ve been longing for this day .I’ve been waiting…
Written by Ted Agnew
Imitate the patience of Abba, have His heart, for you have captured His heart and He is not willing to let go!
love, one of Abba’s kids,
k
